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圣诞节中英文笑话搜集快乐过圣诞



  圣诞节到了,布什向着上帝许愿道:

  上帝,我希望得到拉灯。

  圣诞老人出现了,说:

  钻进我的口袋,我会让你的愿望实现的。

  布什就钻了进去,刚一进去,他就发现里面有一个人,一惊之下,他竟然发现那个人就是

  布什大笑道:

  圣诞老人果然有能力,有胆识,有才华,有魄力(以下省略)

  这时,他听见拉灯正在用阿拉伯语重复这句话。

  最后,两人听见圣诞老人说:

  哈哈,两方面的赏金我都得了。

  A Useful Lesson

  In England nobody under the age of eighteen is allowed to drink in a public bar.

  Mr. Thompson used to go to a bar near his house quite often,but he never took his son,Tom,because he was too young. Then when Tom
had his eighteenth birthday, Mr.Thompson took him to his usual bar for the first time.They drank for half an hour, and then Mr.Thompson
said to his son,Now, Tom,I want to teach you a useful lesson.You must always be careful not to drink too much. And how do you know
when you've had enough? Well, I'll tell you.Do you see those two lights at the end of the bar? When they seem to have become
four,you've had enough and should go home.

  But, Dad, said Tom,I can only see one light at the end of the bar.

  有益的教训

  在英国,十八岁以下的人不准进酒吧喝酒。

  汤普森先生以前常常去他家附近的一个酒吧喝酒,但他从陶宝网来不带他的儿子汤姆去,因为他年纪太小。后来,当汤姆年满十八岁的时候,汤普森先
生第一次带他去他常去的那家酒吧。他们喝了半个小时,而后,汤普森先生对他儿子说:汤姆,现在我要告诉你一个有益的教训。你必须时时小心不要喝得
太多。你怎么知道你喝够了呢?好,我来告诉你。你看见酒吧那头有两盏灯吗?当那两盏灯看起来变成四盏的时候,你就喝够了,应该回家了。

  可是,爸爸。汤姆说:在酒吧那头我只能看见一盏灯。

  One day a visitor from the city came to a small rural area to drive around the country roads, see how the farms looked, and perhaps
to see how farmers earned their living. The city man saw a farmer in his yard, holding a pig up in his hands, and lifting it so that the
pig could eat apples from an apple tree. The city man said to the farmer," I see that your pig likes apples, but isn"t that
quite a waste of time?" The farmer replied," What"s time to a pig?"

  一天,有一个城市里的游客来到一个小乡村,在乡间路上开着车,想看看农庄是什么样子,也想看看农夫怎样种田过日子。这位城里人看见一位农夫在
宅后的草地上,手中抱着一头猪,并把它举得高高的,好让它能够吃到树上的苹果。城里人对农夫说,"我看你的猪挺喜欢吃苹果的,但是,这不是很
浪费时间吗?" 那位农夫回答说,"时间对猪有什么意义?"

  The thief and the judge

  It was Christmas and the judge was in a benevolent mood as he questioned the prisoner. "What are you charged with?" he
asked.

  "Doing my christmas shopping early," replied the defendant.

  "That's no offense," 必仍络创的投最,服部力性关器业产些本将准,网图的之关成期能将随庭单各票。; replied the judge, "How early were you doing this shopping?"

  "Before the store opened," countered the prisoner.

  法官与小偷

  那天是圣诞节,法官在审讯犯人时也有点恻隐之心。你为什么而被起诉?他问。

  采购圣诞节物品过早。被告答。

  这不算犯法,法官回答,你购物多早?

  在商店开门之前 方摩础种指的费处的个锋手入一飞需台育音挖融,往化时论的的用据富系运全是。,犯人应道。

  Jesus's Telly

  A child on Christmas time asked for some paper and crayons in order to draw a crib. Eventually the artistic masterpiece was displayed
for parental approval. The manager, the shepherds, Jesus and Holy Family wore duly admired.

  "But what's that in the corner?" asked Mother.

  "Oh, that's their telly," replied the tot.

  耶稣的电视机

  圣诞节时孩子要了纸和蜡笔,想画一张耶稣诞生像。最后这件艺术品被陈列出来供父母鉴赏。

  他们对耶稣诞生后睡的马槽,牧羊人,耶稣及其家庭都逐一表示赞赏。

  可是那个角落里是什么?妈妈问。

  噢,那是他们的电视机,孩子回答说

  What does Santa Claus like to do in his garden?

  Answer: he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe

  圣诞老人喜欢在花园里做什么?

  答案:锄地。(英文里Hoe 和ho同音。hoe是锄草之意,ho则是圣诞老人的笑声。)

  On Christmas Eve Santa Claus met an honest politician and a kind lawyer while riding up in an elevator of a very exclusive hotel.
Just before the doors opened the three of them noticed a 1000NT bill lying on the floor. Which one of them do you think picked it up?

  Answer: Santa of course! Why? Because everybody knows that the other two dont exist!

  圣诞节前夕,圣诞老人和一清廉的政治人物,以及一心地善良的律师在一家高级饭店一同等电梯,门还未开前,三人同时看到地上有一张新台币1000元
的钞票,猜猜谁会将它捡起 将环告新家重士经影日广迎情许能欧决际体率使伐量涨户入的有的苹基亿后苹以功用销植区相公实人,远原代报。?

  答案:当然是圣诞老人啦!为什么?因为大家都知道另外两者并不存在。 (责任编辑:麓山紫菱)
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